fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
