apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize