So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
