Me. At least after what I've been through.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My bed smells like the plague
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