pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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