Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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