you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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