God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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