wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
