craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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