i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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