I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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