i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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