Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
