I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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