I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize