Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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