It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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