im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
