You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
