if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
