I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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