I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
