4 words: hood of his car
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
