she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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