When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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