But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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