I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he was CRYING into my vagina
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
