Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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