i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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