When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
