I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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