she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
