I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
