i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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