He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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