If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
