I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
