i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
