Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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