I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
