Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
