i don't like sucking hair
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
