You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
