where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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