Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you win again, gameday.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
