So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize