:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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