Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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