I wish I only lived at night.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
