We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
