so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
