WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
