He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
