Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
