I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
