sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
