He had one of those small greek statue penises
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
