FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
