it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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