Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
