Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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