Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
