hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
