Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
