You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
