i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
