p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I didn't notice because vodka
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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